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When the story surfaced that a prominent couple had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it thrust substance use disorder back into the public spotlight. However, parents affected by a child’s substance use are concerned the discussion will center on an exceedingly rare act of homicide rather than the far more common risks of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the developments. They only knew the Reiners by their work, yet they identify deeply: their own son also became addicted at 15 to painkillers and later heroin, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehab and jail. After a long and painful struggle, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just heartbreaking,” states Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones didn’t survive the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a relative’s dependency, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or loss, according to 2023 data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or 48.4 million people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” stated Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg noted.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really a threat and the potential for causing violence.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether substance use or mental health issues were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and substance use disorder, and create a narrative to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may lead to agitation, a brutal act like a murder of two people is highly unusual.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything even approaching to aggression. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not directed at their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get that call or that knock on the door telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from jail, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle isolation—questioning whether the addiction was caused by some mistake they made; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be perfectly happy one day and in despair the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are can become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of disease, you can get over this condition, too. You can heal and be successful,” said Grover. “If you try and you stumble, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a college degree, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they cared for him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll reach out and accept help.”